What a CRAP ending!

Let me tell you, it’s a page turner. A few up’s and downs, rocky times and hardships, but on the whole a very enjoyable read. A book you want to step into, if the ink would cover you in the reality of its words and create the world around you.

Then…the final chapter..

You’re slightly shocked the book is ending so soon, but you think, maybe the author is writing a series. You turn the page and… WHAM! Hit with the tragedy. This is where most films begin, with the “inciting incident” that propels the action forward. But no, this is where your story is ending.

The chapter presents nothing but blow after blow. The words take on a dark beastly form and embed themselves upon the page. Geeze! Will this chapter ever lighten up?! But it just gets worse. When you think nothing else could go wrong, the cute cat in the story (bought to comfort the characters souls) never returns home. Probably eaten by a fox.

In disbelief, you read on. “Surely reprieve is on the next page.”

Death moves in; page after page, after page, after page, after appointment, after treatment, after recovery, after meds, after treatment, after bad days, after good days, after meds, after waiting room, after bad coffee, after moving the car for the fourth time, after surgery, after hospital, after home again, after scan, after waiting room, after another ‘Women’s Weekly’ from 2004, after X-ray, after health smoothy, after sick bucket, after results, after party pies, after waiting room, after treatment, after shaved head, after tears, after hope, after fight, after fall…death weaves its way into the story.

“Normal” life has had a costume change and the scene takes on its own rhythm. You’ve no choice but to go with it, lest you stand dumbfounded in the spotlight while the audience wait for your next move. Improvisation becomes your forté.

Time is running out, there’s only a few pages left. The end looms in the not so far distance and you feel its weight in every moment. It’s exhausting. It’s actually beyond exhausting.

In your arms, you gather up all the “lasts”. Last smile, last look, last touch, last words…

Then it ends.

It’s over. All of it. The trauma, the drama, the intensity, the heartache, the rhythm…it all stops, so suddenly. And you’re left in a space you cannot describe. You close the cover and stare at the story in shock. “Really? That’s it? There are no more pages, no next book? This can’t be right….”

6 thoughts on “What a CRAP ending!

  1. Judi

    Amy this is such a touching and heartfelt blog. I can only imagine the pain you went through and that which remains forever. You give us insight into your hurting pained soul. Devastation embodied in your words and your heart. Thank you for writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ray Robinson

    I’m going to take my time to wend my way through your blog. I think you’re doing a big beautiful thing for yourself, your Dad, your loved ones still living and for those of us who saw you grow up, but from a distance. Of course whatever you write will resonate for each one of us in different ways but also in the similar ways and will mingle and harmonise with our own personal experiences of grief. Thankyou for sharing your gift so openly.


    1. Amy Dwight

      Wow. What a lovely comment to read, Ray. What you wrote encapsulates all the reasons why I decided to make the blog public. It’s a very weird thing, sharing things that are so personal and hoping that in some small way, they may touch the life of another. Thank you so much for your encouragement.


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